Monday, December 1, 2008

Secret Life of the Soul - chapters 7-9

The prophet Jeremiah describes the human heart as something that deceives and that is really hard to understand (Jer. 17:9). But we don't just deceive others--intentionally or unintentionally--we also deceive ourselves as we do all kinds of things to get what our souls crave. Miller calls this the building of a "constructed personality." Here are some of the questions we're asking ourselves (thanks Christiana...I pulled most of these from your comments on that last post):

What is a constructed personality?
Why do we build one?
What does building a constructed personality actually lead to? What are some of the things that end up happening in our souls and in our relationships as we go down that path?

In addition to 1) quieting the shaming voices and 2) gaining esteem, the other dominant desire of the constructed personality is finding and keeping intimacy. But it's a self-defeating pathway.

How does a constructed personality actually undermine intimacy?
How have the constructed personalities of our parents or the collective constructed personality of our family affected us?
Are there some characteristics in your personality that you think (or are beginning to suspect) may be constructed in an attempt to find/keep intimacy?

It turns out that constructed personalities fair much better in the prevalent world of "emotional one-night stands" where we can more easily measure, dole out, and maintain our constructed selves than they do in communities that call for an intimacy that comes through honesty. Which means we may need to do some deconstructing.

4 comments:

Christiana said...

Thanks for this, Rob.

Our "constructed personality" is a wall we've built to protect our soul and gain intimacy with others who, from our constructed perspective, will "like us better this way." Yet its all self-defeating; a tactic of the enemy of our soul to defeat our true self and cause us to live in isolation - our souls never satisfied . So the deconstructing process takes risk - we have to expose our true self, warts and all! We crave intimacy (I know I do!) and yet we fear the exposure of true community. So, really, we're settling for an intimacy that is shallow and insincere... and never fulfilling!

One thing I've been pondering the past week or so is the SAFETY OF GOD'S INTIMACY. My exposure before God is always safe and good and loving. That safety gives me courage to pursue honest intimacy with others. The whole world craves intimacy! We all want to be known and loved. But for those who've never know the intimacy of God in Jesus, they will search their whole lives with an unsatisfied soul.

I'm learning that as my soul is satisfied with God and with authentic community, I can then envelope others into authentic friendship, leading them to the intimate fulfillment of their soul which is only found in Jesus.

Sharon G said...

Man O Man, I do not even wanna have to ask myself those questions...ugh.

Thanks so much for bringing those out, no really thanks..did I say ugh!

Christiana said...

here are some thoughts from an email I sent to Chaz, Rebecca, Derek and Peter today....

I had a couple thoughts/contemplations as I've been reading "Secret Life..." over the past couple weeks.

P. 123 under, "How do people find out about getting help from God?" Miller talks about an "attraction" that people who don't know God will have toward someone who is "filled with life and integrity and talks about God in a different way - about a personal relationship with God." I've been thinking about this a lot.... what is it that "attracts" people to know God? In my friendships with people who don't yet know Jesus, what is it about me that will attract people to want to know Him. Its NOT my perfection, how well I dress, my humor, my ability to carry on a conversation etc.... Its something else. This is a common question that comes up in Christian circles when we talk about "evangelism" but Miller takes it to a whole different level that makes so much more sense to me than some of our typical Christian answers. What attracts people is our SOUL.
Now, I've kind of stayed away from the term "attract" or "attractional" because of the recent conversations about attractional vs. missional/incarnational church BUT, the life of Jesus was attractive... people were drawn to him and came to know God through him. In the stories about Jesus' life, or the prophesies about the messiah to come, its pretty clear that Jesus wasn't necessarily a charismatic, good looking, flashy guy that entertained and impressed people toward a "decision for Christ" Rather, it was Jesus' satisfied soul; his communion with his Father God, that fulfilled him, led him, comforted him and gave him true and real life..... and THAT was attractive because THAT is what we all long for - ultimate intimacy and satisfaction of our soul!
So I've been thinking about this in reference to my friends who don't know Jesus.... it is only when my soul is satisfied with God that I can be true and present with them as they long for the filling of their souls in God.

another thought -
Its amazing how people are drawn to Naomi. Now, I know she's a pretty cute and happy baby but there's something about her (and babies in general) that melts and enamors people of all ages, ethnicities, walks of life etc... I observe it every day as we meet strangers, friends and family.... Naomi brings out the something deep in people. Maybe its the honesty and innocence of her soul. She still believes in perfect parenting, perfect companionship, perfect meaning and perfect power & freedom. And that's attractive to people.... maybe it evokes in each of us our deepest longing for the "perfects"...... in God.

Anyway, just a few thoughts. :)

J Steele said...

Amazed to find this after hearing the same idea at a gathering last weekend at Mt. Hermon. I see it in myself as projecting an image that's not the real me. What is the real me anyway? It's actually a pile of ashes unless Christ is living through me- that's when I become fully human, fully alive and don't have to feel the need to put on a front. A pile of dirt or ashes is desperate for a front and too insecure for intimacy...